A 1 to 1 with the leader

After my first one to one with the leader today I felt energized and motivated.  The leader has understood my career ambitions and clearly stated his expectations.  He asked for my opinion and went through my objectives for the rest of the financial year.  He also suggested a weighing of the objectives, was complimentary about my strengths and gave me ideas for development opportunities.  He was totally calm which enabled me to remain calm as well.  The meeting was a positive experience and I know I can approach him anytime about anything.


Previously with the bully boss, the boss started the meeting nervously and unprepared.  I did not feel the bully boss was in tune with my achievements during the year nor that she cared.  She would spend time talking highly of her favourites in the team (all young boys right from uni or with little experience, while herself she is a middle aged woman) and how lucky we are to have hired them.  She told me how good they are and mentioned some of their objectives to me.  I would desperately try and tell her what I have done and get her to notice it because I knew it is important for my advancement.  The bully boss' mind had no time for it so it seemed and would never follow up on our discussion.  At the end of the year I would complete my self-assessment, list my achievements and tell the bully boss during the review, but the bully boss would not comment.  Instead she would sit there and just look at me, before drifting off to speaking about other people.  I felt confused, abused and demotivated.  It sucked the life out of me.

On Honeymoon with the leader

Today was day 1 with my new boss as he returned from annual leave.  It is incredibly liberating to be able to work in a safe place and it looks like I am one of the few targets that do not eventually need to leave their job due to bullying.

As a number one rule leaders need to make their direct reports look as good as possible, so the new reporting structure has been disguised as reorganisation within the business unit.  Well, I am certain some changes would have taken place anyhow, but if it ain't broken don't fix it, right?  In some way the bully boss has had responsibility removed and I consider myself lucky to have this kind of outcome for myself.

How did the bully boss react?  Well, the bully boss went into silent treatment.  I now definitely no longer exist for her.  Although we sit only three meters away, there is no eye contact, no good morning, no goodbye, nothing.  I sensed a similar behaviour towards her manager which now is also my manager.  I no longer need to care.

So, this is me on the honeymoon with the new boss and I look forward to re-assess the situation in a few months time once I get a full picture.  I am very optimistic. It cannot get worse.  Gone is the feeling of powerlessness against the manipulation of the higher ranking people, against the bad mouthing of my ability to perform the job, the isolation from the rest of the team, the pitting of team members against each other to establish winners and losers (me), the intimidation and the fault finding with anything I do.  I salute everyone who has gone through this longer than me (18 months).  It took me about six months to figure out something is not right, another six months to realise I cannot fix the situation and another six months to fight for an outcome I can live with.

I do not know how much it has helped to report the issue to HR, but I do know that I would do it again.  What did I have to lose? I had reached a stage where I was prepared to leave the company on the spot, so I thought I might as well try this route before acting on Plan B after quitting.  It has been stressful and exhausting but so is putting up with bullying and I am glad I stood up for myself.

Getting back to old self

After months of fighting I have a new boss and I am not the only one.  Two more people from the 'old' team have been moved under a different manager.  It probably is not coincidence that those two were the bully boss' favourites, while I was the least favourite unable to accomplish anything, apparently.

The dynamics will change now and it will be interesting to watch.  I believe the bully boss has been confused since the news came and has been giving me the silent treatment.  She has also snapped at her manager - the bully boss and myself now report to the same person.  I have no problem with it, but I am sure she has.  The bully boss wants exclusive access to the higher ups she desperately tried to keep me out of while I was under her.  This was one way to control me and make sure I do not look good in front of them.   She badmouthed me.

This is the most relaxed Sunday night in a long time. 

What the bully says and what they really mean

The bully boss said the following in an important meeting:

'I do think (my name) is a good person, I want to support her and want her to progress.' - while shaking her head.

#bodylanguage

News from the HR room

Are you a people leader?

Do you think you can make your own rules in the company?

Do you tell your underlings you have seen it all?

Do you tell your underlings you want to get them to a level to do things they did not think they could do?

Welcome to an HR meeting with me, where you can learn to do things you did not think you can do.  You may be senior and close to retirement, but you are not God who truly has seen it all.

Getting ready for more abuse and putdowns

After five days away from the bully boss the business trip felt like a holiday.  We enjoyed work and laughter and I learnt that 'the shit at work does not increase proportionally'.  I am not sure this applies in my case, as the better I do and the more I accomplish the more emotional abuse I experience.  Under no circumstances does the bully boss want me to progress.  So I lower my expectations and prepare for more emotional battering, putdowns and lies.  This way I won't be as disappointed or surprised.  It's the way we operate at this place.  It's best to disengage and stop fighting for my work to get recognised or else I will drain emotionally, but use this energy elsewhere.

I sat there rock solid

Today was an important meeting: I called for HR to mediate between the bully boss and myself.  The bully boss' boss was also present. This gentleman deserves to be called leader.  The issue I brought up was that my grade etc. within the company does not reflect the work I do and the responsibility I have.  At least that is how I feel.  Another issue was work environment and I stressed that some people in the team are not wanted and that I am one of them.  That there is a divide in the team and friction.  I made it clear that this is my perception only.

The bully boss was nervous beforehand and during the meeting.  I was nervous the day before and kept wondering what the outcome would be?  However, at the start of the meeting itself a high level of confidence came over me and I sat there rock solid the whole hour.  We discussed this and that.  I spend some time defending myself, trying to make the bully boss aware of all the things I have accomplished.  She tried pushing my buttons a few times, and while I put some things right I maintained this high level of confidence just to fuck her off.  What was typical for the bully boss was that she told lies.  In particular, we had a client come in earlier this week and I told her I do not have a presentation on the shelf on one of the subjects he wanted to speak about and that it would be good if he could let us know what he's interested in.  The bully boss responded:

'I don’t think that its appropriate for us to create new presentations. If you don’t have any slides I suggest you come along and be there to answer any questions that he may have on the subject.'

And what did the bully boss do in the meeting today? Exactly.  The bully boss said I did not have any slides and that she would have made any effort to put something together, implying I did not care and was not prepared and not willing.  Of course I put things right and forwarded the email to the leader afterwards.  

What the bully boss wants is to break my confidence.

Happy weekend.