Sunday, 11 June 2017

Leaving a toxic work place has been life changing.  Everything is better.  Everything.  I don't know how I managed to cope for that long.  It really nearly broke me.  But good things come to good people and good things came to me.

The new place feels like being in a start-up, although we are almost 1,000 staff strong.  Well, it's only about a tenth of old place.  The new one has a noticeable lack in leadership.  Formal leadership is in place, but the almighty leader is invisible.  I don't give a fuck as I am no longer in a leading position and limit my interaction with poor leadership.  I also master the art of not giving a fuck much better than some months ago.  This lady explains it perfectly:

Tuesday, 20 December 2016


Almost exactly six months after day zero I am out of the corporate life.  Such a blessing.

Saturday, 3 December 2016

Resigning from the corporate life

I have resigned from the corporate life.  What a soulless place.  I even got intimidated by an HR person who tried to make me tell about my future plans and if I will work for a competitor. I held my cards tight to my chest and now they are pulling my IT activity for the past three months and want to monitor my activity until I leave.  Is this North Korea or what?

Monday, 19 September 2016

What really matters

A photo of me and my happy darling in a parcel from home made my day.

Saturday, 20 August 2016

The 2nd time of my life

The first time of my life was in my early 20s. Studying and working abroad with a bunch of world citizens, breaking out of the every day life. I remember the feeling returning to my university hometown after more than one year. The cashier at my local supermarket was still the same, sitting at the checkout all the time I was away and had the time of my life.

18 months later I went into my next adventure.  I boarded a plane to a country I had never been to to set up a new life. No flat. No job. Little money. Sleepless nights.

The job came along and grabbed all my attention for almost 10 years.  I burned out. I took time out and after some initial struggles and confusion about what life is about, who I am, what I want and how I got into this situation and if I should resign from the job, I thoroughly enjoyed the second half of my break. I lived. I slept. I laughed.

Last week I returned to work and regret everything. After two days I contemplated resigning again. Savings would keep me going for a good year. But the savings were supposed to go into my property. Health is more important. I want to be happy. Resign?

I give it another week. Another chance.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

50% Bliss

I am still not back to work.  How right I was to take time out. I have been rethinking my life. For whatever reason I have always been chasing something. The next pay rise, the next promotion, the next level of responsibility, more travel, more savings, the property ladder.  All to feel secure. I thought these things could solve all my problems and that they would bring infinite happiness.  I chased fairness and justice.  I tried the impossible and see myself as a fool.  All those years I have been chasing the wrong things. They made me unhappy. Every time I got something I had chased I wanted more soon thereafter.

Now I have had time and energy to reflect what I really want. I have not been chasing the evenings with friends at my place, some home cooking and amazing desserts, I love so much. I have not been chasing making my apartment cosy and pretty after I bought it, I have not been chasing spending more quality time with family. I have not been chasing making new friends from all paths of life. I have not been chasing who I really am and want to be.  I have not been chasing my passion for swimming, or try new cooking recipes with super food, and I have not been chasing well-being.  I have not looked after myself enough. I want to chase all these things now and not burn out again.

Friday, 8 July 2016

Getting off the hamster wheel

Some weeks ago I hit the wall.  This one morning I had so much resistance against going to this office in me I could no longer take it.  Instead I went to my GP, who signed me off and I have been off work since. Knowing that I will not have to put up with the corporate life for a while was incredibly liberating.  I was exhausted & drained, both physically and mentally.

The first two weeks I slept 10 hours most nights and still needed an afternoon nap.  The rest of the time I tried to go out to get some fresh air and do some things around the flat. Not in a million years  would I have realised how worn out I am had I not gone to the doctor this one morning.  The first two weeks made no difference. I did not have more energy than before.  The thoughts of going back sent chills down my spine.  I love my job, but not its circumstances.