Saturday, 20 August 2016

The 2nd time of my life

The first time of my life was in my early 20s. Studying and working abroad with a bunch of world citizens, breaking out of the every day life. I remember the feeling returning to my university hometown after more than one year. The cashier at my local supermarket was still the same, sitting at the checkout all the time I was away and had the time of my life.

18 months later I went into my next adventure.  I boarded a plane to a country I had never been to to set up a new life. No flat. No job. Little money. Sleepless nights.

The job came along and grabbed all my attention for almost 10 years.  I burned out. I took time out and after some initial struggles and confusion about what life is about, who I am, what I want and how I got into this situation and if I should resign from the job, I thoroughly enjoyed the second half of my break. I lived. I slept. I laughed.

Last week I returned to work and regret everything. After two days I contemplated resigning again. Savings would keep me going for a good year. But the savings were supposed to go into my property. Health is more important. I want to be happy. Resign?

I give it another week. Another chance.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

50% Bliss

I am still not back to work.  How right I was to take time out. I have been rethinking my life. For whatever reason I have always been chasing something. The next pay rise, the next promotion, the next level of responsibility, more travel, more savings, the property ladder.  All to feel secure. I thought these things could solve all my problems and that they would bring infinite happiness.  I chased fairness and justice.  I tried the impossible and see myself as a fool.  All those years I have been chasing the wrong things. They made me unhappy. Every time I got something I had chased I wanted more soon thereafter.

Now I have had time and energy to reflect what I really want. I have not been chasing the evenings with friends at my place, some home cooking and amazing desserts, I love so much. I have not been chasing making my apartment cosy and pretty after I bought it, I have not been chasing spending more quality time with family. I have not been chasing making new friends from all paths of life. I have not been chasing who I really am and want to be.  I have not been chasing my passion for swimming, or try new cooking recipes with super food, and I have not been chasing well-being.  I have not looked after myself enough. I want to chase all these things now and not burn out again.